Why Vulnerability Will Help Your Career
Today is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women — the third year that I was made aware that such a day exists.
As some of you already know, I went through a horrific assault by my ex-boyfriend, a medical doctor in Singapore. The news coverage of this incident was widespread not just in Singapore, even people in Kuala Lumpur were discussing the issue.
Part of why my case received such rampant coverage was that I documented my journey of abuse on my blog. Oftentimes, victims of abuse are too ashamed to let anyone know of the suffering they have gone through.
A few well-meaning friends were concerned about how my decision to speak up could affect my reputation and career in the long run. To them, I could be getting attention for the wrong reasons. These are valid views.
But here’s why being vulnerable could be the most important thing you could do for your career (and your life, too):
1. If you have gone through hardships such as abuse, divorce, or losing a loved one, writing or speaking about it shows resilience and maturity if the intention to share is for the greater good, such as to raise awareness and help others.
Writing about hardships is not the same as airing dirty laundry — the latter connotes mindless blaming on external parties and situations. As Brené Brown puts it, “Live-tweeting your bikini wax is not vulnerability. Nor is posting a blow-by-blow of your divorce. That’s an attempt to hot-wire connection. But you can’t cheat real connection. It’s built up slowly. It’s about trust and time.”
2. Good employers value authenticity and will see you clearly for who you are. If an employer decides not to hire you simply because you made public the tragedies you had to endure, then those are not employers worth having anyway.
My bosses were supportive of me every step of the way as I underwent the court case. Upon knowing what I have gone through, Stephen did not look at me with pity in his eyes and question, “Why didn’t you leave the relationship earlier?”
Instead, he asked me to go on his mental health podcast ( Getting Naked with Happiness) for almost a year until I finally relented.
“This is not just about you,” he said. “This is for all the people you could help by telling your story.”
3. When you express your views publicly, you make known the values you stand for. This creates a convenient filtration process especially during the hiring stage — those who believe in your causes will be interested to work alongside you, and those who disagree with you will be weeded out at this stage.
Life is too short to be spent censoring ourselves for fear of being judged by people, including by those whom we work with.
4. When you write or speak eloquently about your experiences, you might end up with a couple of unexpected job offers.
A lawyer read my blog and after assessing my ability to present arguments logically, invited me to apply to her firm as a legal assistant even though I had no experience in law.
I also received numerous invitations to speak on podcasts and an offer of ambassadorship.
5. By writing about the injustices you have suffered, you could possibly change the law.
In 2017, when I was in a violent relationship with my ex, there was no law to protect people like me. I had reported previous incidents of violence to the police before, but the police was unable to help. The Personal Protection Order (PPO) only applied to married partners. As I was not married to my ex, I could not apply for the PPO, and the police could not assist in any way at all too.
For years, Dr Sudha Nair, my social worker and Executive Director of PAVE, worked tirelessly to advocate protection for those experiencing intimate partner violence.
Because I was willing to write about my ordeal and share extremely unflattering and somewhat gruesome photos of my injuries online, Dr Sudha Nair took my photos to the Minister of Home Affairs since the police could not do anything.
The intention was to shock those who had the power to change the law to do something about abuse faced by people not bound by marriage.
Since then, the Protection from Harassment Act (POHA) now allows for victims of abuse by their close partners and who face possible violence to get an expedited protection order within 24 hours.
To be able to play a part in bridging a gap in the legal system made my suffering seem less in vain.
CONCLUSION
Many assume that curating that perfect professional facade means guarding one’s reputation fiercely.
But reputation is not what we decide to display to others. It’s not going around on social media telling everyone all the charity work we’ve been doing. A credible reputation begins when we are respectful and compassionate even when no one is looking. Good reputation means the people we work with — past and present — can all vouch for our character.
And it begins with ourselves, by how we perceive others. Do we view everyone as unique individuals and treat everyone with respect and compassion?
Being vulnerable even at work — especially at work — allows us to be fully seen. Only when we are unafraid to express our innermost truth, will we able to live an authentic life.
Links detailing my abusive relationship:
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
